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 Post subject: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:49 pm 
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Custom Title: no more show ups
January 2011

there was a SCHENN one following the world juniors, I don't remember it exactly

February 2011

user user bengpod searches for oil deposits in the ground, sucks them up with his pump

CBC's Peener and Penis Omark buddy-cop drama

March 2011

Please we are in shock. Please leave us alone and come back much later.

April 2011

Putting all our eggs in Kadri's basket since 2009

4/13/2011: Senators lose lottery and their chance to draft the next Alexandre Daigle
4/14/2011: Datsyuk toe-drags himself into alternate reality, encounters Maple Leaf dynasty
4/15/2011: Dany Heatley requests "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out" for his goal celebrations
4/16/2011: Chara gets stomach pumped at hospital, doctors find one gallon of semen
4/17/2011: Scott Gomez setting Mexican stereotypes back twenty years with his defensive play
4/18/2011: FBI warns Colin Campbell that Raffi Torres will kill again
4/19/2011: After impending Canucks collapse, Burrows spears self to death. He chuckles before uttering his last words: "Stick around."
4/20/2011: Jarkko Ruutu promises his father the immortalization of family name in the NHL rulebook
4/21/2011: Patches claims Broons just faking like they're a terrible team with awful passing, Broons prove him wrong
4/22/2011: Canucks fans pledge to abandon technology and move to Scottish Highlands if Blackhawks prevail
4/23/2011: MaxPacioretty67 Bruins defense is thinner than Recchis hairline
4/24/2011: Nathan Gerbe dreams of using Stanley Cup as booster seat at Chuck E. Cheese
4/26/2011: Who doing nomination Weber coach?? Or Lindstrom brother?
4/27/2011: Scrappy Canucks stave off top-seeded Blackhawks in first round to win Stanley Cup
4/28/2011: PK Subban orders new hand mirror and schedules rigorous primping regiment for offseason
4/29/2011: Shea Weber suddenly realizes that he's in the NHL playoffs, not auditioning to be Mastodon's touring keyboard player
4/30/2011: Paul Holmgren pleading with Roman Cechmanek to come out of retirement
5/01/2011: Glenn Healy goes into shock when European art historians discover Picasso-painted barn outside Barcelona
5/02/2011: Jimmy Howard gets last laugh when his sno-cone stand at HP Pavilion reports record profits
5/03/2011: Matt Cooke elected to Parliament in Quebec, promises to blind-side gridlock
5/04/2011: Sean Bergenheim making most of first opportunity with NHL franchise
5/05/2011: Vancouver Canucks blame EPA's inability to clean up oil spills at Bridgestone Arena for any and all "diving" incidents
5/06/2011: Flyers consulting Craigslist for actual carousel to dress as their starting goaltender in 2011-12
5/07/2011: Bruins scientists splicing healthy parts of Savard and Bergeron's brains together to create the concussion-free center of tomorrow
5/08/2011: Patrick Marleau now regrets donating ten feet of his small intestine to science
5/09/2011: Nashville Zoo requisitions Shea Weber beard trimmings for new bird habitats
5/10/2011: Vancouver Canucks just seven wins away from 1994
5/11/2011: Patrick Marleau looks forward to postseason hibernation, where he is a Conn Smythe-winning viking
5/12/2011: Pierre and Edzo come to blows over who came to blow Joe Thornton
5/13/2011: Western Conference Finals are canceled! Everybody go home! No refunds!
5/14/2011: Derek Boogaard levels pearly gates with one-punch KO, now acts as a deterrent against Anaheim Ducks making it in
5/15/2011: Tyler Seguin confirmed bust with only two points in playoffs
5/16/2011: Curtis Glencross takes hometown discount, convinces Flames not to offer him 4M per
5/18/2011: Seguin must continue to double playoff point total with each game or Claude Julien will kill a puppy
5/19/2011: Patrick Marleau endures off-day training montage to better his chances in a game three fight with Mason Raymond
5/20/2011: Guy Boucher's emotional outburst actually an attempt to deflect suspicion that he is a T-1000 sent to kill John Vigilante
5/21/2011: Steve Downie gets 5+game for crying wolf
5/23/2011: Lecavalier's playoff beard appearing off-Broadway as Athos in the Three Muskateers
5/24/2011: Ryan Kesler faking injury to create sympathy for Canucks among legions of haters
5/25/2011: Bruins and Lightning just trying to get in as much playoff experience as possible before big tilt with the team of destiny
5/26/2011: Canucks using time off before finals to give Sedins their separate days with the Stanley Cup
5/27/2011: Pierre rewrites Red Badge of Courage with Stamkos as protagonist: NY Times calls it "disturbingly erotic"
5/31/2011: Winnipeg chooses hottest '90s collecting craze for new team name: Winnipeg Pog Warriors
6/01/2011: All of Canada united behind half-price appetizers at Applebee's
6/03/2011: While standing in the unemployment line, former Atlanta mascot Thrash hears strains of "Brass Bonanza" and sobs uncontrollably
6/06/2011: Raffi Torres plans most egregious yet non-suspendable offense for game three to set himself up as Conn Smythe winner
6/07/2011: 10ungo?
6/08/2011: Dr. Mark Recchi offers back-alley gyno exams for townie chicks
6/09/2011: Jim Nill decrees that Senators' mustache thievery will not go unpunished
6/11/2011: Canucks attempting rare feat of having only douchebags score GWGs in Stanley Cup Finals
6/12/2011: Rome texts Horton score of game five, then again to ask if it arrived too late
6/13/2011: It's only forty years of failure to overcome, no biggie
6/14/2011: Mason Raymond pays price for wolf-crying teammates when doctors laugh and say "Very convincing job, Mason" following injury
6/15/2011: NHL decides that Horton and Raymond each deserve Cup won in their honor, declare both Bruins and Canucks champions
6/15/2011 #2: Luongo's wife reminds him that he holds the high scores on Minesweeper on their PC
6/21/2011: E4 Flyers allow Jeff Carter to guess which team he's headed to via game of Hangman, but "LEAFS" is not a letter
6/22/2011: Brian Burke readies plan to acquire entire first round of picks, just needs 25 more sacrificial virgins for trade fodder
6/23/2011: Jeff Carter and Mike Richards pay dearly for double-teaming Scott Hartnell's newest girlfriend
6/29/2011: Tomas Kopecky references Peter Regin's breakout hit with "Tallon gave me dem Vanek Bucks / Regin jealous like a motherfuck"
6/30/2011: Jonathan Ericsson defeats Ken Holland at pool, gets to choose his salary
7/04/2011: Devin Setoguchi politely declines ride to Minnesota from once and future teammate Dany Heatley
7/06/2011: E4 Stamkos... trapped at bottom of well... sources have location... running out of food... more to come
7/07/2011: E4 Stamkos... still starving at bottom of well... three teams trying to help... one surprise suitor... MAJOR move ahead from rescuers see rumor chart for more
7/09/2011: E3 Stamkos and Doughty?! BIG BIG MOVE by Tampa and Kings in the works... Doughty lowered down into well on rope? How are Leafs involved? Burke calling in favor from US military??
7/11/2011: E4 Yzerman threatens to leave Stamkos at bottom of the well?! Who has the bargaining power now? A source tells me Flames are now front-runner... but for Stamkos, Doughty, or a mystery third option? RUMOR CHART
7/12/2011: E3 Stamkos has offer sheet lowered to him on string - will he sign? E2 Is Parise digging a tunnel to Stamkos to bring him to NJ? MORE TO COME
7/18/2011: E3 All quiet on the Stamkos front... but too quiet? Is Stamkos playing dead to void RFA restrictions? Only a family of groundhogs and the RUMOR CHART know for sure!
7/20/2011: E2 Who's in on Stamkos in 2016? A few surprises and one BIG fish entering the ring. Get your season pass and camp out on the rumor chart, it's going to be an exciting ride! More to come...
10/2011: Garth Snow on Rick DiPietro: "If he dies, he dies."
11/7/2011: Tim Connolly hospitalized after erection lasts more than four hours, status is week to week

New playoffs run!
4/11/2012: Matt Cooke vows to club Claude Giroux senseless with homemade Lady Byng Trophy
4/12/2012: Red Wings to dress their feared enforcer Fuzzy Dunlop to enact retribution on Shea Weber
4/13/2012: Ol' Dirty Bastard returns from the beyond with "Florida Panthers (I Can't Wait)" - "New Jersey Devils, you die easier!"
4/14/2012A: Here lies Daniel Sedin, 1980-2012, he died doing what he loved, getting murdered by Duncan Keith
4/14/2012B: Here lies Daniel Sedin, 1980-2012, he died doing what he loved, sitting far away from the blinding glare of a nightlight
4/14/2012C: Here lies Daniel Sedin, 1980-2012, he died doing what he loved, unintentionally banging Henrik's wife
4/14/2012D: Here lies Henrik Sedin, 1980-2012, he died doing what he loved, never owning up to long con practical jokes
4/15/2012: Rise up, Sens Army, with Alfietra, the official erectile dysfunction medication of your favorite team
4/16/2012: Daniel Sedin to make astonishing return for the second round of the Vancouver Canucks' charity mini-golf tournament
4/17/2012: Todd Bertuzzi blocks doors to all Joe Louis Arena bathrooms, tells Preds to "fuckin' hold it till game five"
4/18/2012: Colin Campbell found dead by phone, one digit away from warning Brendan Shanahan of Raffi Torres's impending strike
4/19/2012: User bambamdiggadiggadam to discuss length and girth of suspensions on HNIC After Hours
4/20/2012: Pittsburgh completes miracle comeback from 0-3 series deficit thanks to clutch goaltending from Youth Hockey Shooter Tutor
4/21/2012: Raffi Torres to serve suspension aboard Space Prison M.S. One
4/22/2012: Nicklas Lidstrom to recharge batteries, both literally and figuratively, before deciding about retirement
4/23/2012: Andrea Kesler dreads long offseason of Ryan dramatically faking his orgasms
4/24/2012: Florida Panthers hand out free condoms to those parties interested in sleep-creeping their fans mid-game
4/25/2012: Sean Avery admits that when training camp time rolls around, he'll really miss stealing rookies' clothes while they shower
4/26/2012: Florida Panthers one win away from home ice throughout Eastern Conference playoffs. Shit, I forgot to add a joke.
4/27/2012: Alexander Radulov remembers that he left his oven on in Russia, immediately returns to KHL
4/28/2012: Sidney Crosby scores four goals in opening game of the second round of the playoffs that he's absolutely sure are still happening
4/29/2012: Chris Kreider gets rookie hazing from Rangers teammates in the form of a post-game interview in Pierre McGuire's hotel room
4/30/2012: Jordan Eberle enjoys World Championships experience, but anxiously awaits building a tire swing over a pond with Hallsy and the Nuge
5/01/2012: Alexander Radulov wistfully recalls KHL policy of giving highest bonus to player that drinks the most post-game vodka
5/02/2012: David Legwand invents fire, douses himself with it
5/03/2012: Matt Cooke terrorizes his children with uncontrollable sleep-headshots, Brendan Shanahan powerless in the domestic sphere
5/04/2012: No one tell the Phoenix Coyotes that HBO cancelled Bored to Death
5/05/2012: Jimmy Howard wins when it counts: the round robin portion of the World Championship
5/06/2012: Next big target for the Los Angeles Kingslayers: Dethroning the Los Angeles Kings
5/07/2012: Noted board racist Rowsdower finally appreciates black people
5/12/2012: Ovechkin awakes from deep slumber, wonders where Bruce Boudreau went
Feaster says that in ten years, everyone will remember his olive loaf and salami sandwich as the best sandwich of the 2012 draft
7/04/2012: Congratulations, user Cacophony, on your thirteen-year bagskate
Limited time offer at Save on Meats: All sandwiches come packaged with Ballard, Raymond, and a 2nd round pick
Is this user Rowsdower's "shape up or ship out" year?


Last edited by fleetwood mactavish on Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:59 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:50 pm 
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if anyone can remember others i'll add them


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:51 pm 
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Location: Panik on the Streets of Carlyle
there was a SCHENN one following the world juniors, I don't remember it exactly


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:51 pm 
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CBC's Peener and Penis Omark buddy-cop drama

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Peace of mind. A mellow life. Crunk music. Investing in spy equipment and communist memorabilia. Having dance contests with myself. Placing last in the local triathlon. All of these things, plus a firm belief in the Lord.


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:53 pm 
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this thread's really taking off!


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:57 pm 
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user user bengpod can sense oil deposits in the ground, suck them up with his pump

edit: ok i think that's how it went


Last edited by captain on Fri Apr 01, 2011 5:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 3:59 pm 
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the canucks defense making cokane sweat one?


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 4:02 pm 
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Canucks D Injuries Gonna Make User Patrick Cokane Sweatt


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 4:02 pm 
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Hotstove is gonna make you Sweatt

something about Kovalchuk getting into game shape 4 months into the season?


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 4:04 pm 
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CBC bringing buddy cop drama Penis and the Peen in as midseason replacement


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 4:06 pm 
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Red Wings so dead-set to surpass last year's games-lost-to-injury totals that Bertuzzi slams Hudler's head into ice


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 10:53 am 
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The new one is excellent


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 10:55 am 
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haha awesome, didn't notice the new one.


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:12 am 
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I'm going to try to update it every day for the playoffs. We'll see how this goes.


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:12 am 
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The last few have been top notch


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:13 am 
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Hahahaha

:weekes:


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:17 am 
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The second most recent one was complete spite.


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:17 am 
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what was the last one about being able to draft the next daigle?


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:20 am 
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I edited that one into the OP of this thread.

I was talking about the one before that which quoted user user bengpod.


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:32 am 
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NA gone full retard lately, hey


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 12:15 pm 
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I ran through a bunch of vindictive responses to that post before cooler heads prevailed.


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 1:39 pm 
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they just get better and better


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 10:42 am 
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NO GOMERZ CLUB


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:08 pm 
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oh my god the new one


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 Post subject: Re: Running subtitles archive thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:11 pm 
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Now I wish I'd written "the pleasure, the privilege is mine" after he scored last night.


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